FIVE-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when
they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a
speedboat, without a care in the world.'

Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love
of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 2

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'

The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 3

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and
found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at
the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him
out of the tree.

Moral of the story
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 4

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and
fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow
came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was
actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to
investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the
pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE